Wednesday, March 4, 2009


Do you ever wonder why we love the people we do though they drive us crazy? I do ... I've been thinking about it for a long time. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband a lot. We've been together for 15 years. He is always there for me, he makes me laugh, feel complete and secure but he can also make me mad as hell sometimes. See how ironic it is. He is the one person who brings out the best and the worst in me.

The answer to my question came to me yesterday. A friend of mine let me borrow a book and it caught my attention. The title is "THE 9 TYPES OF LOVERS" by Daphne Rose Kingma. The book itself focuses on the different type of lovers, each describe and dissected thoroughly by Ms. Kingma. It shows the tell-tale signs of each type, the distinguishing characteristics we love a lot but drives us crazy as well. It give a view on how the minds of each type works, what makes them tick, how they are different from everyone else and how they can change to give balance to the relationship. I strongly recommend this book to man and women alike, who wants to understand their partners and themselves more.

I found out that the 9 types of lovers are as follows:

  1. Attention Seeker

  2. Emoter

  3. Cool Cucumber

  4. Skeptic

  5. Workaholic

  6. Perfectionist

  7. Fantasizer

  8. Controller

  9. People Pleaser

From the book, I found out that my husband and I are both Controller type. As a Controller type our basic need is power and we view a relationship as a power struggle. That is the reason we click together and clash a lot, We both love the on-going and never quite resolving power struggle, which we are addicted to. Since we are both controller we are evenly matched and we tend to respect each other knowing that the other person will not easily give in and throw the towel. We in our own way balance and safeguard each other from getting out of control.

Now, I understand and I have my answer.

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